It was the winter. It was the cold winter. Gosh. It would be great if I could start like that. Very classic. Very je ne sais quoi. Hmmm….Wait. I know….It was the summer. It was the warm summer. Ah. That’s better. For your reading pleasure (drumroll please). Here’s the story of me and Suzanne. The girl who stole my heart—and taught me to tame sloths.
You know what it’s like when you meet someone special for the first time. Maybe you don’t know from the point of inception that you’re going to be best friends with this person. But you know there’s something there. Something magical. Something that makes your heart beat a few (not a couple) beats faster. Gives you butterflies in your stomach. Makes you not want to hold in your farts for at least a few hours (gross, I know). Forgive me for bringing emotions in. But that’s how I felt when I first met Suzanne.
But let’s back up a bit. It was a summer day. I was sitting in my apartment per the usual. And I’ll be honest with you. I had joined a couple (the real version of a couple) dating sites. OkCupid had just released a new phone app for local meetups. I gave it a shot. A posting from a girl looking to grab a good beer caught my eye. And hey, she was a COD player too!
Much to my chagrin I suggested a chain bar for a good beer. And Suz knows her beer! But that was ok because we hit it off straight away. Never a dull moment the whole night. I couldn’t wait to see Suzanne again. I was, dare I say, completely smitten.
I never expected to meet someone like Suzanne. Never expected that my life would change so much for the better. I was so excited during and after that first date. I just didn’t want it to end. I never would have gotten on a scooter with someone I had just met before that night. But I did. I didn’t want the night to be over.
Let’s skip forward a few beats shall we? Better yet. Let’s make it into a montage!!! Suzanne and I travelled the world together. In eight months we’ve been on two separate continents and on multiple coasts—yes, in this scenario Austin is somehow considered the south coast, don’t ask me why, ask the scientists. We went on a short trip to Bell’s Brewery in Michigan singing Baby Got Back and American Pie on the way home. Fast forward…We’re in LA. Did I mention the roving gangs of shopping carts? Yeah. There were those too! Fast forward again…LONDON!
Yes. That brings me to a big development. Suzanne moved to London. Crazy right? She’s working for a Shell Corporation. We made it work though. Distance can really make the heart grow fonder. And I’ve only grown more in love with Suzanne. Oh. Did I mention. There’s pictures too! CLICK ME!
I’m in love I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it ™. I’ve never been so excited. Never been so in love. Never felt this way before. If I hadn’t gotten on the back of that scooter, who knows what would have happened. I’m so glad I did. So glad I met a person who makes me laugh with the silliest of jokes. Who makes me so amazingly happy.
Oh. You didn’t think I forgot about the sloths did you. There were sloths. Lots and lots of sloths. Hanging out on the furniture. Hanging from trees. Cuddling. In the future sloths become hyper-intelligent — but slow — beings. And they make people react like this.
Yeah. That last paragraph was pandering. That’s ok though. I love Suzanne.